Thursday, 26 April 2012

Review Of My Boy Dylan

Dylan is nearly 9 months old.  In fact he has now spent 2 more days outside of the womb than he had spent in the womb, having been 9 days early.

I hear all the time about how great other peoples babies are.  Every parent seems to be of the impression that there baby is the best one.  Either the cutest, the smartest, the most advanced, the most fun, or the stinkiest.  Sometimes all of these things.  But very few parents would know how other baby's are rated, as this information is not usually available.  So how could you possibly know if your baby is better than someone else's?

So this post is to give an open and honest review of my boy Dylan.


Tall and handsome.  He is one of the tallest babies you will ever meet.  He is measuring in at a whopping 76cm... putting him taller than 91% of all babies his age.

Chubby cheeks.  The chubbier a babies cheeks, the better.  Dylan's cheeks are so flabby, he could store a hamster in each cheek!

Dress sense.  He is dressed by his mother, who is a bit of a stylish yummy mummy.  So naturally he dresses well.  Even down to his underwear (cloth nappies) he looks like a well dressed baby stud.

Smell.  As a boy, smelling bad is a must have attribute.  I can certainly say, he STINKS.  His nappies are so revolting that I have nearly thrown up on my own son more than once.


Dylan is a charmer.  He woo's the girls, the mums, and grandparents.  No matter how his personal life is going, whenever he bumps in to someone else, he has the biggest smile and is the friendliest baby you could possibly picture.

Perfect sleeper.  Although this has not always been the case, now that he is past his teething stage, he often sleeps a good 14 hours each night.  Only occasionally does he wake in the night.  And when he does, its normally to tell me something important.

He is very well mannered.  He is also polite.  When he see's you he waves 'hello' very enthusiastically, with his arms waving around like a washing line in a hurricane.

Special Traits

Every baby has a few specific things that they do that make them stand out.  A few of Dylans favourites are:

When he has had enough food, he will stick his tongue out at the spoon to refuse it entry into his food destruction chamber.

He has a strange sense of humour.  He finds it fun to hold his food out at arms length, and try and reach the food with his mouth.

Early Progression

He is a very advanced baby.  He may not be crawling of walking just yet.  But he is extremely good at algebra and long division.  He is also a good talker.  He talks to me all day about all the things he finds boring... "blah blah blah blah" ...

Not many animals would let their young in to the wild on their own at such a young age.  But Dylan has been practising being a dinosaur for a long time now, and can often be found prowling around remote islands eating anything and everything.  His roar is enough to scare many away.  What doesn't run away is devoured by his super sharp sabre teeth.

Value For Money

Dylan only cost 8 pounds 10 at the hospital.  Since then he has had many items of clothing given to him as presents, he has been breast fed for the most part of his life, and his re-usable cloth nappies (apparently) are saving money too.

So all in all he is a very cost effective baby.  Especially when you factor in that he already has an arranged marriage with Harper Seven Beckham.  He is also tipped to be the next youngest billionaire, with his fortune expected to reach the milestone at the ripe age of only 12 years old.  He already has many patents under his name and is getting close to creating a 101% efficient use of energy.

Overall Rating

Taking in to consideration all of the above, I think it is a fair representation to rate Dylan a modest 100% perfect.

I will be posting pictures to go with this post over the next few days.  I'll keep you posted.  Although if you follow by blog, you will be in the know already, and you will be my new (2nd) favourite person :)

If you wish to have a blog-off with me, please post a review of your own :)

The first blog off can be found here -

If you wish to join in please just post away and let me know, and i'll be sure to link to yours too.


  1. What a charming post, I'm sure when Dylan is older he'd find this amusing. I've never read a post like this before but a baby review is a good one. :)

  2. What a charming post, I'm sure when Dylan is older he'd find this amusing. I've never read a post like this before but a baby review is a good one. :)

  3. Love this. I have never read a blog before i just twittered my way here i'm normally doing everything else for everyone else and dont get time however will keep following this. O and some how got swept up into creating my own blog spot! dont ask me how i only came online to do a tesco shop. Bravo from an unsung hero mum x

  4. How stinkin' adorable! To do list... (Read daddy adventure blog... Check!)

  5. Excellent blog. Very funny :-)


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...